Beware of the Random mkII
by Belamancer
Summary: Now with added plot! Yes, the gibberish has returned!


Beware of the Random mk2 - Now with exra added plot!

Okay, so they may have removed my story. Okay, for some dumbassed random reason they decided it was against the rules. But that won't stop me! Welcome to the new and improved beware of the random, featuring new;

added plot to pull together those random encounters,

shorter chapters for easier reading and less wear and tear on writer,

actual paragraphs, writing and grammar - no longer just a lazy play script!

special effects including 3d sensurround visuals (warning - requires hallucinogens or serious mental illness to work properly),

and new author penname to confuse you utterly! BellaShamharoth, meek + mild mannerd argumentative and smart-arse has become the amazing... the incredible... Bellamancer! Still just as argumentative, sarcastic, critical and smart-arse as ever but now with a better name! Taken from the word Belomancy, don'yerknow, which means a method of divination using arrows. Cool, huh?

NB: As you read later chapters you may notice the first and original random conversation burried in it's midst. I certainly hope you bloody notice, anyway. :oP

Version 2.01

The wizards shuffled into the high energy magic building nervously with the air of students sneaking into the staff room. In fact the exact opposite was the case - the HEM was nothing but students these days, and was the undisputed realm of Ponder Stibbons and co. This worried the older wizards no end, as they could remember the days when young wizards worked for days on end in order to get promoted by filling their predecessors pointy shoes, often whilst still warm (and smoking).

Thus the faculty would occaisionally, as they did now, wander quite by accident into the HEM and, naturally enough, ask questions. Or at least Ridcully asked questions in a loud barking voice without waiting for the answers, the other senior wizards poked and prodded things they could and pointedly observed things they couldn't(1) and the Dean ate the pizza.

Currently the room was a mess of smoke, scurrying students running behind large heavy objects, and something making an annoying jingly-bleepy noise. The air crackled with tin and strange colours flickered on the edge of hearing.

Clearly, a very high energy magic was taking place.

The senior wizards, with two exceptions, crowded companionably behind the Dean. The Dean himself, being happily oblivious due to the ringing of the anchovies in his ears continued to eat the banana pizza. And Ridcully strode forwards through the smoke as if it was a personal affront.

It parted before him, revealing three prime examples of UU's young wizarding genius - Skazz, face invisible behind a 360 degree fringe, hopping from foot to foot anxiously, Mad Adrian, jumping up and down in panic saying 'Come on come on come on, it's gonna go any minute' and Ponder Stibbons. Ponder Stibbons, the youngest member of the UU faculty (by about 55 years) Reader in Invisible Writing and Head of Inadvisibly Applied Magic, was applying said magic very inadvisibly at this moment in time. The source of the tinny ringing-bleeping noise was buzing on the floor in front of him, and flashing pretty colours across a little window inset in the front. Ridcully stared at it.

"What the hell is that?" Ponder looked up startled.

"Oh, er, sir I wasn't expecting-" He stopped and tried again. "Place is a bit of a mess sir." He stepped inbetween the bleeping thing and the Archancellor.

"What are you doing in here?" Ponder swallowed nervoulsy and went for it.

"We're uh trying a new method of trans-dimensional inter-being communication, sir." There was a pause whilst Ridcully's brain dismissed this, during which the jingley-bleeping got louder.

"That's a lot of magic you're using." The Archancellor remarked. Behind him the Librarian thoughtfully picked up a sheet of blueprints from the messy worktop and examined them critically. Ponder nodded and glanced anxiously back at the now very insistant jingling thing.

"We, er, have been successful sir." He added in a hopeful sort of voice. The Librarian looked up from the blueprints frowning.

"In this trans-inter-diamond thing?" Ponder nodded. "But what is it? And what the hell is making all that noise? And where did you get the authorization to use so much magic? I don't remember signing it."

"Uh, er..." Ponder shrugged terrifiedly and Ridcully brushed past him to stare at the ringing thing on the floor.

"So, this is the inter-diamanté thingy, is it?" he picked it up, ignoring Ponder's look of horror, Skazz's sudden leap backwards and the Librarian's frantic ooking. Mad Adrian tried to climb up into his hat. The rest of the Faculty huddled further behind the Dean, who had finished half the pizza and was now complaining about the bananas. Ridcully shook the ringing thin experimentally. "How do you turn this damn thing off?" Ponder shook his head, unable to manage more than a frigthened gurgle. "Any of you fellows know what 'unknown caller' means?" He pushed a few buttons randomly, whilst Ponder held his breath. "What about yodafone?(2)" The Dean peered over his shoulder interestedly.

"There's a button here marked ''. What does '' mean?" He made a grab for it but Ridcully held it back.

"Thank you, I am the Archancellor here,_ if _you don't mind. I think this one ought to sort it out." He pressed the keypad frantically. "No, hmmm."

"Try the one marked ''." suggested the Lecturer in Recent Runes helpfully.

"Thank you Runes, I am perfectly capable of pressing my own buttons. Dean you stop that childish sniggering right now!" He examined the bleeping thing closer. "There's another button in the middle, here. Labelled '¬'." He looked up at Ponder's frozen rictus. "Well Mister Stibbons? What do you think?" Ponder shook his head.

"I uh, really think you should just leave it Archancellor. I think it might stop on it's own." He added hopelessly. Ridcully snorted.

"Typical! Young wizards today, always saying 'Leave this' and 'Don't do that'. Like a tiny little thing like this could upset the entire balance of the universe or somethin'."

"Er."

"Well it just so happens that I am the Archancellor around here, Mister Stibbons, and what I say goes!" He pressed the button, and a tinny little voice issued from the strange device.

"Hello, operator? Neo, is that you?"

-----------------------------

(1) because they had heard that observing things, particularly those very small things that the student in the HEM were looking at, caused them to change and they wanted to see it happen.

(2) He can't read the tiny writing.

Confused, you are? Then read next week's installment you must!


End file.
